Good morning Where’s Wetzler readers and fellow boulderers!!!!!!!! And also good morning to those of you who don’t boulder though not quite as cheery a good morning because to be honest I’m saving most of my cheer for the boulderers since I consider the rest of you second class citizens. I’m kidding, of course. I might be kidding. I’m definitely not kidding. But I do consider the rest of you people!!!! I just don’t really understand how a discipline like bouldering could exist, could indeed be out there at your disposal, and you would decline to participate. I don’t understand it all. It’s beyond me. I cannot fathom it.
Anyway. I’m sitting on the boat right now drinking my customary earl grey tea mixed with some kind of non-dairy creamer. It’s not that I can’t tolerate dairy, it’s just that it makes me feel a little slow. And I can’t afford to feel slow today because I think I’m………………………………………………………….GOING TO INDEX (caps Yaweh’s). Yes, that’s right, friends, I think I’m going to Index today, aka everyone’s favorite hamlet west of the Cascades and east of Gold Bar, aka the whitewater rafting capital of the Skykomish Valley, aka the sport climbing capital of the Skykomish Valley, aka the town with the cute little park and the hotel that might not be a hotel and the general store where when you call to ask if they sell shovels because your car is stuck at the Skykomish River Boulders parking they’re rude to you and hang up.
Now, I maybe shouldn’t be going to Index today because of my teres minor, aka my shoulder. My shoulder is not feeling great. In fact, it’s feeling pretty terrible. BUT, it’s really hard to figure out how it’s ACTUALLY feeling until I ACTUALLY climb. And the reason for that is because sometimes with these tendon and muscle injuries there’s also a nerve component, and what you mistake for an aggravated tendon might just be an aggravated nerve. It’s very possible I’ll get to the boulders today and think, Oh, damn, my shoulder actually feels bomber, and then proceed to CRUSH Finger Crack V3, CRUSH Unnamed V3 around the corner, semi-CRUSH slash at least attempt The Enigma V4, and semi-CRUSH slash mostly get shut down by The Jewel V3 and Leggo My Ego V6. But damn, I really wanna see if I can least do the techy section at the beginning of Leggo my Ego. Though that’s pretty much the whole boulder. I mean, you have the dyno, but the dyno looks pretty easy. Except that the landing is a sloping rock that might be kind of hard to cover with one pad. We’ll see what happens. First I actually have to get off my boat, get my stuff together, and make the drive out there.
(Sorry, just getting distracted by Leicester aka Jamie Vardy dismantling Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City. The announcer just said the phrase, “Country mile.” I find this infintely endearing and will try to use it at least once in conversation today even though I’ve never used this phrase. Maybe I can use it with the cashier at Safeway. Maybe I can use it at Trader Joe’s when I go there in the next 30 minutes.)
So yeah, that’s the plan for today: Go to Index. And if it’s for some reason not dry in Index then, well, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Because I don’t really feel like driving all the way out to Leavenworth today. That, for some reason, just seems immeasurably far. If I did go to Leavenworth today, though, I know where I’d stay. Not in the campground. Not in any of the dispersed camping. In fact, not even in Leavenworth at all. I’d be in Wenatchee, at everyone’s fourth favorite chain hotel, the SureStay by Best Western in East Wenatchee, a hop skip and a meniscus tear from the East Wenatchee Mall and two blocks from everyone’s 34th favorite Mexican Restaurant, El Porton, where the only thing bigger than the portions are the……Jesus I wish I could think of something funny to say here. But I can’t. And now I can’t blog anymore, either, because it’s time to get ready.