First Order of Business

Alright friends, how’s everybody doing today? Good? Great? Amazing? Good, good. I’m glad. Well, I’m not that glad. I don’t really care. But I’m kinda glad. I’m kinda glad you’re doing well but to be honest I’m more focused on myself and don’t really care about you. That’s not to say I feel DISDAIN for you, it’s just that I’m much more important in my world than you are. You don’t take up much of my mental space, whereas my plight, my welfare, are two things that take up a LOT of my mental space.

First order of business today, April 7th, two thousand and twenty-one: Alex Honnold has a podcast.

You of course already knew this, but what you maybe didn’t know is that there are already a couple of episodes out. I’m not going to link to it. Links are so 2018. Just google Climbing Gold Alex Honnold.

Good.

Second order of business. I need to crack a mate.

Third order of business: I had my interview at Seattle Bouldering Project today, and it went….OK.

From an honesty perspective? It went great.

From a, did-I-get-the-job are-we-vibing is this going to be what I dedicate my life to perspective? Not so great.

And that’s because I was honest.

The guy who interviewed me was wonderful. I instantly felt rapport with him. But when he asked me how would you stay motivated after having the same interactions with customers over and over I couldn’t be anything but honest. That was actually my whole goal for the interview: to be honest. So I said something along the lines of (excuse me while I take a sip of my mate) I don’t know how I would stay motivated in that situation. I guess I would have to see.

Terrible answer, right?

Wrong. Honest anwer.

Because in my head I’m thinking: Fuck customer service, fuck the overprotective shitty Seattle moms that have jack fuck to do all day and bring their kids into Seattle Bouldering Project and then are assholes to the employees. Fuck ’em. I don’t have time for them. So if I had to have similar interactions with them over and over? Yeah, I don’t know how I would stay motivated. I probably wouldn’t.

Fuck ’em.

Fourth order of business: Yesterday’s climbing session.

I almost sent my first ever non-stemmy blue. I sent an orange that had been plaguing me since the last session, and made progress on a couple other things that are now “projects.”

I’m hoping that the blue will go tomorrow during tomorrow afternoon’s holy shit sick crew vibes super sesh. I’m confident that it will. I would like to start projecting some blacks, too. And keep projecting oranges. And maybe try some moves that slightly challenge the confidence in my left knee. Nothing crazy heel-hooky, just some stuff that’s not straight up climbing a ladder.

Fifth order of business: There is no fifth order of business. I’m going to drink my mate and wait until I can watch the Chelsea game on Paramout Plus. And then I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of the day. Oh god, what am I going to do with the rest of today? Why are you just bringing that up now?????? I hadn’t even thought about it!!! Fuck!!!! I have no plans!!!!!

I’m not climbing, that’s for damn sure. Weather isn’t great. I could go to Bainbridge. Hmmmmmm, what am I going to do.

I’ll figure something out.

Arrivaderci,

Mark Thomas Wetzler I

Failing on Oranges || An SBP Retrospective

Yesterday went to SBP and had a semi-terrible session. Failed on a bunch of oranges. Did the thing where you pull off the ground and even getting to the next hold seems COMPLETELY impossible. I guess the only saving grace from the session was I DID have fun (climbing with Bloom and Jessa is always fun), I DID send two new oranges, and I did sort of make progress on a couple blacks. And also some of the oranges I didn’t send.

So why was I so frustrated??????????????????????

Why did I get back to my boat and angrily inject peptides into my knee and just sit around cursing for a bit?

Why did I get back to my boat and NOT EVEN WANT TO WATCH BOULDERING VIDEOS?

I mean, I of course DID watch bouldering videos when I got back. And I also listened to a podcast with Sean Bailey, and I was going to say TREMENDOUS podcast with Sean Bailey but in truth it wasn’t that good, I wanted to hear them talk about bouldering, and JUST when they were going to talk about cool shit, i.e. Sean recently starting to boulder with the gods — I mean Jimmy Webb and Daniel Woods — the interviewer (Chris Klalous) brought the conversation back to COMP CLIMBING. Jesus. I don’t want to hear about comp climbing. I want to hear about tasty granodiorite jewels.

But ANYWAY, the reason I was so frustrated (I think) was because I didn’t see insane progression during yesterday’s session, and ALSO because I climbed really bad. Like normally I suss out boulders pretty well before getting on them, and I send ones where I look at it and I’m like, “Oh, OK, I think I know how you climb that.” But yesterday I was getting on blocs where I was like, “I have no idea what the sequence is here but I’m just gonna get on it anyway.”

Talk about a recipe for failure.

Talk about a recipe for frustration.

Talk about a recipe for Waldorf salad.

But the thing was I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF. Like, I knew, in the moment, that what I was doing was really counterproductive and I was just gonna piss myself off, and yet I did it anyway. And I think that’s OK, sometimes. I think yesterday I just kinda needed to rage. So I raged. I got pissed off. And now things are (I hope????????) more or less ok.

Slash I’m spiraling.

Slash I’m actually ok.

Slash I’m gonna go to REI right now and get the Lone Peak 5’s, an actual trail running shoe. I mean, not that I trail run. But you get the drift. My PT told me that if I come in wearing my Helly Hansen Chukkas again she would chain me to the elliptical. Also I only have one pair of shoes right now, which is suspiciously close to zero.

The real question here is………………………………………………………………………….

Do I stop by Whole Foods on the way?

And: Do I send my resume to SBP?

And: Do I drop in on an apartment in Leavenworth?

Or: Do I just keep talking about it?

And of course the REAL question is: Should I just say fuck it and climb today???

Or should I drive out to Index and look at some of the blocs there. And maybe bask in the sun by the Skykomish River.

Slash it’s snowing in Index today.

Slash it probably won’t actually snow.

Slash I’m wearing a knee sleeve.

Slash I really need to go to REI and get these shoes.

Slash 20% off.

When I really look at yesterday’s gym session I HAVE TO TAKE A COUPLE POSITIVES FROM IT.

And those positives are these:

1) I sent two new oranges.

2) I realized I can’t get on a boulder if I don’t look at it and think, “I could probably do that. Or I at least have an idea of how to do that.”

3) I didn’t injure my right middle finger.

4) I climbed slab.

5) I had a great time chilling with the homies.

Slash.

OK. Time to leave the boat now. For real.

Have a wonderful day, all of you.

– Wetzler