Man Don’t Climb | Road to V4

It’s been raining all morning. This much is true. I don’t know what else is true. I suppose it’s true that I’m drinking pu-ehr tea right now mixed with heavy cream. I suppose it’s true that I just stretched my shoulder. I suppose it’s true that I’m going to flout the physical therapist’s recommendations of resting a week, half because I want to climb and half because I found him disagreeable as a person. Like, he wasn’t in particularly good shape and I’m thinking, Bruv, how are you giving me advice on how to be in form body when you’re slacking? How are you giving me advice on how to heal from climbing when you’ve never climbed in your life? I suppose when you’re climbing you’re always looking up, right? He says. No, I say, you actually look down all the time to see where you’re placing your feet. He tells me to rest for a week and the whole time I’m thinking, Bruv, weather supposed to get nice starting Monday, not just in Leavy but also in Index, Bruv. How you think I’m not gonna go to the River Boulders to shralp Finger Crack V3 and maybe try the first few positions on Leggo My Ego V6? Because the other day when I scoped Leggo My Ego for like the third time you know what I thought? I thought, I could do this boulder. I could send it. I could at least do the first couple moves. I could at least caress the first sloper. I could at least maybe show up and throw my pad down at the base of the rochet. I could at least chill and seem relevant. And you’re going to come and tell me, Bruv, no more loading your teres minor???? Get lost, Bruv.

I get up from the seat in the guest room in my parents’ house that seems like my room and go downstairs to make my SECOND cup of pu-ehr.

Bruv, he say, how you gonna act like man don’t climb. Man climb every day. Man climb V5. Man climb the V7. Man crimp. Man throw the meathook. And you know man be gettin’ that sticky icky friction even when temps be in the 30’s.

Thirties is pretty cold.

Man, man be talkin’ 30 degrees CEN-TI-GRADE, man. What you think I’m talkin’. Thirty degrees be hot, man.

And I say, Yo man I’m just looking for some physical therapy. Some exercises that will hopefully me to climb at 100% again. But he’s not listening. He’s already moved onto the next patient. He’s got his earbuds in. I’m so glad my insurance is paying for this because if I was paying out of pocket I’d be so pissed.

I’m actually amazed at how nice it’s supposed to be next week and the thought of not climbing is just apalling. So what I’ll probably do is just cancel my phys ther appointment with Bruv and call it good. I hella had my own rehabilitation routine going and it was feeling good but now Bruv’s phys ther routine has kinda thrown me off. Like Bruv not wanting me to do pushups when actually I gotta stengthen those opposing muscles so my shoulder can be more stable.

This pu-ehr is delicious, by the way. Yesterday I didn’t drink coffee and today I’m not having any, either. Today I’m taking the ferry back to Seattle and the only thing I have planned is to watch the Stanley Cup later. Which is why I’m not in a hurry to get back to Seattle. Oh, and I also have to go by Stone Way Hardware to get a tarp, and I hope they have the heavy duty white tarps in stock cuz if they don’t I’m about to have a conniption fit. Honestly at this point I’m about one night of bad sleep away from just sinking my boat. I’m trying to think of what redeeming qualities living on a 27-foot sailboat in the winter there are, and I can only think of about 60. The problem is all of them are outweighed by the simple fact that when you’re 6’2″ living on a boat you hit your head a lot.


I am rocketing through the tea this morning. I’ve already had two cups of mate and two cups of pu-ehr. I’ve already played the piano and straightened things up in the room where I was staying. I’ve already shaved my beard. I’ve already had a short text convo with Cory. I’ve already stepped outside onto the front porch and listened to the sound of the falling rain, indeed smelled the falling rain or the rain that’s just fallen. I’ve already showered. I’ve already looked at the news a bit and monitored my stocks and made a bank transfer between checking accounts. I’ve already weighed the possibility of going out to the peninsula tomorrow cuz actually the surf looks decent. I’ve already decided that I’m probably gonna climb on Monday or maybe even Sunday. I’ve already decided I’m gonna send Finger Crack V3. I’ve thought about how the landing could be improved at The Enigma V4. I’ve thought about how I’m gonna send Dirty Dancing V4 next time I’m in Leavenworth.

Bruv, how you gonna even act like hi don’t climb? Man climb harder than you. Man get up on the highball. Man climb the Apron boulders before you even send V2 in the gym. Man live at the Buttermilks.

It’s stopped raining. This is amazing. Should I go out for a walk? But my tea is steeping. It’s actually pretty clear now. I think the worst of it may be over.

What is the secret to having a body that just works even when you’re 37???????????????