It’s Going To Be a Long, Long Time || R2V6

Friends! I have great news! No, it’s not climbing-related news. In climbing-related news I have terribles news: yesterday’s session in Leavenworth sucked ass. But I’ll get to that later. First with the good news.


Yes, you read that correctly. Four days. No caffeine.

Well, ok, a TINY bit of caffeine, because I’ve had some chocolate and chocolate has caffeine, but no REAL caffeine, like no tea or coffee. Or matcha. Or yerba mate.

God, I want some caffeine.

(and also I guess three days no caffeine since today is day four).

Anyway, since your insistence on knowing about yesterday’s climbing sesh in Leavy is basically pathologic, I’ll tell you.

Yesterday, Becky and Nick (two new friends) and I went to Leavenworth and didn’t climb shit. No, seriously, we didn’t climb shit. Like, none of us topped out a single boulder problem. We warmed up in the rain on Schisthead in the Swiftwater area, and then went across the highway to try such sandbagged V3’s as Lead Pants and Sitting Bull. None of us sent anything.

Then, we went to Footless Traverse, and that was a bit more fun, though none of us sent that, either. Nick had already done it awhile ago after projecting it a bit, and Becky made good progress. I made….progress? I guess you could call doing what I did progress. I definitely touched the rock, that much is true. I think I did what you call a “crimp.” I might have even done what you call a “heel” hjook” (sp?), but I’m not sure. The crux for me by far was taking off my puffy and sitting down and putting on my climbing shoes and then trying the rig in front of 20 climbers who were varying degrees exponentially stronger than me. Most of them were there trying V10’s and V7’s. Like, cool, assholes, we know you’re strong, but take it easy, ok? Like, we know you can like keep body tension and all that shit and you can crank on 1/8th pad crimps. But, like, ok?

After trying Footless Becky and Nick hit the road and I made my way to Gaze of the Grasshopper, a wicked Squamish-style (supposedly — I’ve literally been to Squamish 1.5 times) V4 with a terrible landing. I almost pulled onto it, and then moved to a V3 down the boulder which was much more my style (see: easier). But this V3 also had a terrible landing, and a thrutchy topout, so I decided to leave it till next time I’m there, which will probably be some time in 2030.

In 120 years, no one who’s currently on this earth will still be here.

Whoa, whoa! Sorry. Didn’t mean to get deep or philosophical on you.

In 60 years, we’ll all be dust. 

OK seriously, sorry.

It’s just, well, I’m struggling with this whole “getting old” process, and so find myself invaded by thoughts like these. Today at Whole Foods I almost bought some matcha latte collagen powder. I know in my pancreas of pancreases that collagen powder does nothing and the literature is conflicting, but I’m still desperate for anything that will make my body feel normal again. I just want to be able to run and jump and deke and pull on tiny gastons. Is that too much to ask? I just want to be able to play soccer and play basketball and surf and skateboard and crank on quarter-pad shark’s tooth crimps.

But apparently that’s way too much to ask.

The bouldering gods say, “No, we would prefer you to be in love with a sport that destroys your body and you basically can’t do. Yes, we have spoken, and this is what we’d prefer.”

I’m so desperate that I bought fenugreek at Whole Foods today.

Fenugreek is for lactating mothers.

But I remember the title of some study about mixing fenugreek with turmeric to combat inflammation.


I am a lactating mother.

….poor bioavailability….

Anyway, that’s all to report for now, friends! I hope you have a great day! I’m going to get acupuncture and hope that cures all my ailments. And not have caffeine. But also maybe have caffeine.