Everything You Wanted to Know About Norway as Told by an Old Polish Man Screaming at You

HELLO! I AM PETR! I AM POLISH MAN FROM LITTLE VILLAGE CALL PRESZYMYSL. BUT I AM LIVING NORWAY SINCE SIX YEARS. I TELL YOU ALL ABOUT NOW SO YOU ARE NAVIGATING WELL THIS COUNTRY.

NUMBER ONE: NORWAY IS CASHLESS SOCIETY! YOU ARE VERY STRANGE MAN WHEN YOU NOT PAY WITH KREDIT KORT.

NUMBER TWO: TRAM IS NOT FREE IN NORWAY. YOU GET ON BUT NOT PAY! YOU PAY POLICE LATER. IS NOT LIKE POLAND WHERE YOU PAY ON TRAIN. MAN COME AND CHECK TICKET AND YOU SAY “KORVA, NOW I LIVE IN STREET.” NORWAY IS NOT CHEAP COUNTRY.

NUMBER THREE: NORWAY IS NOT CHEAP COUNTRY. YOU PAY MANY KRONES FOR KAFFE. IS NOT EVEN GOOD KAFFE! NORWAY MAN DRINK INSTANT KAFFE, CALL IT KAFFE. KORVA.

NUMBER FOUR: DO NOT GO BERGEN WHEN YOU ARE WANTING THE FINE WEATHER. BERGEN NOT FINE WEATHER. BERGEN ONLY RAIN AND SAD. OSLO ALSO RAIN AND SAD BUT MORE SNOW AND LESS SAD. I OSLO MAN. I LIVE FROGNAR AND SPEAK NORWAY LANGUAGE LIKE, HOW YOU SAY…KORVA. LIKE NORWAY MAN I SPEAK!

NUMBER FIVE: NORWAY NOT ALL THIS, HOW YOU SAY, NORTH LIGHTS. LIGHTS IN SKY LIKE FIRE AT NIGHT. NO! YOU MUST GO NORTH NORWAY WHEN YOU ARE WANTING SEE THIS NORTH LIGHTS. BUT IS BEAUTIFUL! IS LIKE DRAGON IN SKY! MAKE SEX BENEATH NORTH LIGHTS, WOMAN HAVE MUCH LUCKY CHILDRENS.

NUMBER SIX: NORWAY MAN MAKE MORE FLAT SKI THAN SKI IN MOUNTAIN. NORWAY MAN MAKE NORDIC SKI. I AM NOT UNDERSTAND. POLAND WE SKI MOUNTAIN IN ZAKOPANE. IS BEAUTIFUL. IS GREAT MOUNTAIN. NORWAY MAN HAVE MOUNTAIN BUT PREFER SKI IN FIELD.

NUMBER SEVEN: IS NO HOMELESS MAN IN NORWAY. GOVERNMENT IN NORWAY GIVE HOMELESS MAN FREE HOUSE. HOMELESS MAN IN NORWAY RICH MAN IN POLAND. IS FEW KRONES NORWAY MANY POLISH ZLOTY. HOMELESS NORWAY MAN RICH.

NUMBER SEVEN: NORWAY FOOD BAD FOOD. ONLY FISH. POLAND MAN EAT ALSO FISH BUT ALSO MANY OTHER THING. POLAND MAN PAY LITTLE ZLOTY, EAT VERY HAPPY. NORWAY MAN EAT NO FOOD, PAY MANY KRONES. NORWAY MAN EAT PICKLE FISH.

I TELL YOU MORE TOMORROW. NOW I SMOKE CIGARETTE, DRINK NORWAY KAFFE. YOU ARE JOIN?

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