Category: Existence

Things I Didn’t Do

March 7, 2022

I can’t sleep. This is not ideal. It’s 11:26pm in Mexico City and I’m sitting in the living room of my Airbnb and I can’t sleep.

I just put on a playlist called “Selva” on YouTube Music. Maybe this will help. Otherwise the plan is just to get into bed soon and read the book Sleeping Bear by Connor Sullivan.

I definitely like Mexico City better than Guadalajara. Like, it’s not even close.

I feel like I just had two or three coffees. Damnit.

I wish I could talk to you about something profound. But I don’t know if I have anything profound. And I don’t really want to just tell you everything I did today.

Well, I guess I could, since that would only take a few seconds. I got my teeth cleaned. Darren and I rode bikes to La Condesa and got lunch at Ojo de Agua. I got a haircut and a shave. I got a chai latte. I started filling out my paperwork for the Chile covid stuff. We got burgers. I worked a bit, namely prepping tasks and seeing which ones are gonna require questions. I had two glasses of wine. I did some pullups. I did some pushups. I did some dips.

But these are the things I DID. What about the things I…..did.

When I woke up I cracked the sliding glass door and watched two morning doves sit on the railing. The looked in at me over their shoulders and I thought they might fly in. The air smelled cool and clean and like Mexico City. I enjoyed lying in bed, happy that I’d been able to get back to sleep after waking up at 7:30am.

I rode the bike standing up, gleefully hopping all the deformities in the pavement.

I stared at myself in the mirror of the barbershop, willing my beard to be gone. And then when it was gone I thought, I like this so much better. Why do I let myself have a beard. And on the way out I said, “Que tengan buena tarde” to all the people in the barbershop.

After watching the morning doves I enjoyed a cup of coffee by myself on the balcony, looking out at the plants and at the world trade center building behind me.

I didn’t shower.

Let’s talk about things I didn’t do.

I didn’t shower.

I didn’t change clothes except for my pants and shirt. I put on my Surf Wyoming shirt.

I didn’t write any booking descriptions.

I didn’t write Clara back.

I didn’t book my ticket to Chile.

I didn’t do my physical therapy. But I did do yoga.

I didn’t meet any new people.

I didn’t smoke any cigarettes.

I didn’t eat breakfast.

I didn’t boulder.

I think it’s about time for me to get into bed. Or at least try. I’ll read my book and hopefully that’ll relax me and I’ll be able to sleep. We’ll see.

I’m not going to publish this I’m gonna wait till tomorrow to see what kind of disaster it is.

GDL #2

March 4, 2022

I’m at a cafe called Saint Malo drinking chai. It’s hot. The air is hot. Everything is hot. I’m mildly in love with the girl working here though I’m not sure she’s the same girl who was here yesterday, and I was mildly in love with her too. There’s no one here. I’m tucked in a corner on my laptop supposedly doing work for Booking but mostly guzzling my chai and wondering what this get-together will be like tonight. I guess we’re bringing wine. Hopefully I don’t have social anxiety. Will be interesting for Darren since everything will be in Spanish.

Slash.

K might need to get matcha now.

Iced matcha.

Would living in GDL be sick? I…………………………….

I have no idea.

Would it be prison? Would living in Santiago de Chile be several thousand times cooler? I’d so much rather have a girlfriend with a Chilean accent than a Mexican accent. God Chilean Spanish is terrible, but so beautiful when spoken by women. Do you take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? Si, po.

No seeeee, po.

I wish I could never be socially anxious ever. That would be amazing.

We’re flying to Mexico City on Sunday afternoon staying in an Airbnb that looks sooooooooooooooo dope. It’s in the Colonia Napoles, and has a huge balcony.  Slash plants. Slash two bedrooms.

I literally just sit around consuming all day.

PV #1

March 2, 2022

Made it to Puerto Vallarta.

Next stop: Get to the beach.

Oh wait — I have to do yoga with Adriene first. Day 11.

Then beach.

It’s golden hour so even the parking lot of my hotel looks charming.

I’m making coffee in the hotel room. AC blaring.

Then beach.

God I wish I’d rented a car and gone surfing.

My room is right next to the elevator at the top of the stairs, so I hear all the bell carts go by.

I feel out of it, like my brain is in a different place than my body. I looked at the hills when we arrived and they were green and shimmering in the heat. I thought, What hills are those? This morning in Seattle was a trance. The rain. My boat.

Normally when I come to a place like this I’m instantly snapped out of it. But my brain is resisting.

Which is why I should probably go to the beach. And finish my coffee.

 

SeaTac #1

March 2, 2022

I’m at SeaTac. I’m drinking an English Breakfast tea with heavy cream. There’s a man across from me with a dog on his lap. I remove my mask, stoop down to sip my tea and put my mask back on. My flight to Puerto Vallarta leaves in an hour and a half. I’m not sure what I’ll do till then. I’ll write this blog. I’ll do some work. I’ll try to meet up with my parents. I’ll rage at people without masks on. I’ll read one of my two books or listen to a podcast.

I don’t like wearing a mask, either. But I do because I’m a good person. Not a bad person like the people with their masks below their noses.

Airports bring out the worst in people. Flying brings out the worst in people. Luckily, I’m flying Alaska and I have an exit row. I have music. I have podcasts. I’ll order a meal when they bring the food cart out. Maybe I’ll talk to the person next to me. Probably not. I’m going to have so much legroom. The people in front of me can’t put their seats back. I can’t put my seat back, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to have so much legroom. Then I’ll get to Puerto Vallarta and I’ll walk to my hotel. It’ll be hot. People will hound me about taxis. I’ll say no, gracias and keep walking. I’ll get to the Comfort Inn and ask for a room on one of the upper floors. I’ll go to my room and do Yoga with Adriene day 11. At some point I’ll get dinner. I’ll watch TV. I’ll probably watch Netflix. My life will be the same as it is in Seattle except I’ll be in a hotel room in Mexico.

Then tomorrow I’ll fly to Guadalajara. I’m flying on AeroMar, a lesser-known Mexican airline. I was reading their reviews on TripAdvisor and they’re terrible. But who writes airline reviews? People that have had a terrible experience. I’m sure it’ll be fine. It’ll be fine even if it gets delayed. The flight’s an hour long. There was a flight near me here at SeaTac that just left for Wichita. I thought, Who goes to Wichita? The guy with the dog on his lap is now on his phone. The girl across from me left. I could take my mask off to drink my tea and keep it off, but I won’t because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I doubt I’ll see my parents. I should work now. I’ve found it hard to motivate for work lately. The less work I have the less motivated I am. Everyone here is on their phones. We’re a nation of people on our phones. A world on our phones. I saw a picture of people in line at an ATM in Russia and all of them were on their phones. What a pitiful existence. The lady across from me has her mask below her nose. She’s a bad person. I’m so happy I have an exit row. I can’t wait to order food. I can’t wait to check in to my hotel. It’s going to be hot in Puerto Vallarta. Oh, wow, the high today is only 81. That’s lower than I expected. Lower than Guadalajara. I should’ve gone surfing. Maybe I’ll surf in Chile.

The lady now has her mask off completely and she’s not drinking tea. She has no reason to have her mask off. I see why she’s not married. I can’t stop looking at her, judging her. I think she’s left-handed, at least. She’s talking. Her name is Doris. I can hear every word of her conversation. It’s about health insurance. I won’t repeat personal details here for her safety. I can even almost hear the person on the other line. I understand that Doris has her mask off so she can be heard more clearly. I’m not sure whether or not this is excusable. She still might be a bad person.

I’m tempted to get coffee. I’m going to work for a bit and see if I can get anything done. My plane boards in just over an hour. Can’t forget that. Should probably go to the gate soon.

 

Travel Plans

March 1, 2022

The sun is barreling forward in its attempts to climb higher in the sky and I feel pretty good about things. There’s a bit of resignation, to be fair, but what if instead of fighting to be the person I want to be, as Clara suggested, I fought to accept the person I am? Would that work? It certainly seems easier. It’s not like I won’t still be trying to improve myself, because that’s somewhat natural (at least in American culture) and there’s certainly a time and place for that, but when I try to improve myself or make drastic changes at the wrong time it usually seems to backfire.

These things in mind, I feel pretty good about my trip to Mexico tomorrow. I’m flying to Puerto Vallarta nonstop on Alaska Airlines, staying a night at the Comfort Inn near the airport, and then flying to Guadalajara the next day on Aeromar, everyone’s sixth favorite Mexican national airline. Then, I’ll meet up with my friend Darren, we’ll chill in GDL a few days, and then we’ll begin our inexorable march towards Mexico City via Morelia, the capital of Michoacan, and some other small towns on the way. And then five days in Mexico City. Or so. And from there, who knows? Maybe Belize. Maybe El Salvador. Maybe Bogota. Maybe Chile. Maybe all of those places or maybe some place different entirely like French Guyana or Suriname.

My succulents are stoked right now cuz they’re getting direct sun. I’m a bit anxious right now because I haven’t done much work today and also because of my trip tomorrow. Luckily, I don’t have to do much. I have to pack (easy). I have to maybe clean up the boat a little bit (fairly easy). And I have to not drink too much caffeine (potentially hard). It’s also OK if I don’t do much work today, since I can definitely get some done at the airport tomorrow, and tomorrow night at the Comfort Inn in Puerto Vallarta, everyone’s fourth favorite airport hotel, I have nothing to do and so could potentially work. Also, my work with Booking.com hasn’t fully picked up again since dropping off right before the holidays. I have about a day and a half of work this week, which is better than zero, but still not enough to be super stressful (or pay the bills). Basically what I’m trying to say is that my anxieties are somewhat unfounded, as they usually are. Everything will be fine, as it usually is, and if for some reason it’s not fine I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I enjoy crossing bridges. I don’t enjoy looking down when I cross bridges, however, because I feel a strange impulse to jump.

ANYWAY.

Not sure what else to talk about. It’s March 1st. There’s a kingfisher on the boathouse across from me and a massive flock of crows just alighted on the tree on shore and are having a loud conversation. I climbed yesterday at SBP Fremont, and it was fairly great. Flashed some oranges. Didn’t send any blacks or blues but didn’t try a bunch either. I won’t climb for a month now, and I’m ready to let my body heal. That’s part of the reason for this trip — to take a break from climbing. I love climbing, but there’s nothing like a break to make you love it more. Last year when I couldn’t climb for two months because of my LCL I came back more motivated than ever and in many ways climbing better than ever. When you take a long break sometimes you unlearn bad habits, and if you watch videos of the pros, you learn new ones that you can implement when you start climbing again. And if anything hopefully my back is just happy.

Is it time to go to Whole Foods?

No, I’m going to keep writing until I get to 1000 words.

Is anyone still there?

What am I going to do in Guadalajara, you might be wondering? What do I do when I travel? Well, I don’t do a ton. I mostly go to cafes and walk around. Which is more or less exactly what I do in Seattle, though when you’re doing it in a place you don’t really know speaking a language that’s not your native language it feels a little more special. Also, I lived in Guadalajara five years ago, teaching English at a place called Vancouver Language Centre and Spanish at the American consulate. I’ve only kept in touch with one person from my time there, so I hope to see her. But mostly I just hope to walk around and visit some of my old haunts and enjoy the ridiculously sunny, warm, temperatures, and enjoy our ridiculously chic AirBnb, and hang out with Darren. I don’t know how much drinking will be involved. I hope not too much. I was talking with my therapist today about how not all epiphanies are created equal, and how the epiphanies from drinking don’t measure up to those of a three or even one day fast. And I believe this wholeheartedly. When you fast your hierarchy of needs gets completely revamped, and so things that might’ve competed for attention in consciousness when you had nothing else to worry about just sort of fade away, and some other things that are actually quite important drift to the forefront. Last time I fasted moving to Leavenworth came up again, for example. And how it’s a good idea. How basically not living in Seattle is a good idea.

OK, that’s about it for now. I think it’s time to go to Whole Foods. I think I want some more caffeine and I would maim for an Urban Remedy matcha bar right now. Urban Remedy, will you sponsor me? Or employ me? Probably not.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful week. I look forward to blogging from Puerto Vallarta tomorrow, aka the Comfort Inn, everyone’s sixteenth favorite airport hotel.

– Wetz