Kind of Hungry, All of the Time

I think I’ve figured out the perfect diet: You just wanna be kind of hungry — all of the time. At least during the day. You definitely want to be kind of hungry during the day. Because here’s what most people do: They eat a big, carb heavy lunch, and then they spend the rest of the day chasing the dragon like a goddamn drug addict. Caffeine. More carbs. Sugar. Anything to get them back to normal! This was me, my friends. I was this person. I would eat a big lunch, maybe a Chipotle burrito, maybe a Chipotle burrito bowl, maybe a sandwich, maybe some sushi, thinking I was “healthy,” and I kind of WAS healthy, but then I’d spend the rest of the day fighting a losing battle.

Solution: Just be kind of hungry, all of the time.

How do you do that?

Don’t eat too many carbs.

It’s not rocket science. It’s not even the kind of science you’d use to make one of those baking soda and vinegar volacanoes. It’s just: How do I feel when I eat this? OK, now how do I feel when I eat that? Yesterday was a perfect example. Yesterday, despite my best intentions, turned into a “carb loading day.” I did not plan for this to happen. I was just listening to my body, and my body was saying: Put some fucking rocket fuel in me, Mark, I’m trying to blast off. So I had some veggie crisps with guacamole dip, and about 30 minutes later the tiredness set in. I spent the rest of the day chasing the dragon, its tail always just in front of me. I went to Cafe Fiore at about 4pm and I got a fucking ALMOND MILK LATTE. That’s how desperate I was. And it sort of worked, if it weren’t for the near emotional breakdown it caused about two hours later (I have a rule: Never buy airline tickets when I’m super caffeinated. So I didn’t buy airline tickets yesterday, but I did schedule a COVID vaccine. I had to do SOMETHING).

Fast forward to today, when I’ve been more vigilant about my midday carb intake. A little bit of coconut cream in the morning with my tea (trying to get away from dairy): 1 gram net carbs. An Urban Remedy matcha bar and a hop tea before physical therapy: 6g net carbs. Then, after physical therapy, “splurging,” a FocusAid by LifeAid, 9g of carbs but so much other bomb shit in it, like Alpha GPC and a slew of other nootropics guaranteed to make my spirits high and my neurons sizzle. Then, back at home, a tin of tuna mixed with harissa sauce, celery and onion. Maybe like 2-4 g carbs (I’ll have to look up the onion). So so far today I’ve had about 20g of net carbs, it’s 2pm, and I feel great. I don’t feel tired. I don’t feel sluggish. I don’t feel like the only thing I want to do is lie down. In fact, the only thing I want to do right now is drink another cup of tea and take my sister’s dog — aka the love of my life — for a walk. And then maybe come back and eat some more tuna.

Just be kind of hungry, all of the time.

Why do you think dogs have so much energy all the time? Because dogs aren’t kind of hungry, all the time — dogs are super hungry, all the time. My sister’s dog just ate and already she’s looking at me like, “You are a terrible owner. You are starving me. This is abuse.”

Dogs don’t count carbs. We count their carbs for them (unless you’re one of those asshole owners who overfeeds and never exercises your dog and your dog is obese, but I’m not really talking about you. You’re bound for hell, anyway.)

I’m not going to be one of those assholes who says to NEVER eat carbs, all I’m saying is that you’re probably eating too much of them. I challenge you, for one day, to keep track of your net carbs. Not even to limit them! Just to keep track of them. And then keep in mind according to some people the sweet spot for weight maintenance is between 100-150g a day (depending on body type, activity level, the strength of the kroner, etc). I would be surprised if you’re not surprised with the number you come up with at the end of the day. Write it down. “XXX” grams net carbs. Now stare at the number for a moment. Don’t be afraid of it. And then, “How could I have cut down those carbs a bit?” Maybe substitute the tortilla chips for some celery sticks. Maybe substitute the apple with peanut butter for celery with peanut butter. Maybe just substitute everything you eat for celery sticks, since celery has about 0g net carbs (celery has just as much fiber as it does carbs).

In conclusion, I am not a doctor or a nutritionist, I’m just another dude like you who wants to feel good. And my experiments lately with trying to eat about 100g of net carbs today have led me to these findings. Maybe they’ll work for you, maybe they won’t. Except they probably will. They’ll especially work when you stop eating hamburgers and start eating more celery sticks. And when you’re just kind of hungry, all of the time.

Maximum Climbing Performance

Hello, friends.

I’m watching Chelsea v. Crystal Palace.

Christian Pulisic is playing.

It’s distracting.

Today was supposed to be day two of two rest days, but now it looks like I’ll probably climb this afternoon at SBP Poplar with Bloom and Jessa. Which is great, because I already have a couple projects there. A black with a shouldery first move, an orange I couldn’t even do the first move on, another orange that starts with a technical heel hook, a black whose sloper I slipped off like a seal trying to gain purchase on a slippery rock, and then DOWNSTAIRS, assuming the NW room hasn’t been reset, two beautiful oranges and also a volumey black.

God I hope Pulisic plays well today.

I hope.

My reservation is confirmed. I will be climbing at Poplar today.

Fuck yes.

Also: Christian Pulisic just scored.

I am trembling.

So, let’s talk about diet. Lately I’ve been adhering to a diet that I think might be sustainable for me in the long term. It’s very simple: 100g of net carbs per day. In case you’ve been living under a dietary stone, net carbs are simply grams of carbohydrates after grams of fiber have been subtracted. So, for example, if a Rebbl protein drink has 19g of carbs and 7g of fiber, you have just consumed 12g of net carbs. More startlingly, since you’ve just consumed a Rebbl brand drink, you’ve probably just consumed a large amount of inluin, which will now commence ripping a hole through your stomach lining.

Awesome.

The reason 100g of net carbs per day is a sustainable diet is because 1) IT’S NOT TOO HARD. KETO IS SO FUCKING HARD I MEAN 50G NET CARBS PER DAY? WHAT ARE YOU JUST GONNA EAT ALBACORE TUNA ALL DAY? ARE YOU JUST GONNA EAT MEAT ALL DAY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

But 100g allows for some wiggle room.

The second reason it’s sustainable is because YOU CANNOT CHEAT. I repeat: YOU CANNOT CHEAT. Well, OK, yesterday my friend Pat and I thought of one way you could sort of cheat, and that’s with artificial sweeters, things like sucralose and aspartame and things that only deranged people would put in their bodies. You can SORT OF cheat with things like stevia and monk fruit, but stevia and monk fruit are nowhere near on the level of we’re going to poison your body as aspartame and sucralose are.

But the main reason you can’t cheat is because, for example, when you’re on the “NO REFINED SUGAR” diet, you could still eat three pounds of raisins and dates, go into diabetic shock, and not even have violated the diet.

And sugar, my friends, is the thing we need to avoid.

Sugar and carbs.

I’m not saying cut them out completely! I’m not saying that at all. But 100g of net carbs forces you to be more selective with the carbs you choose to consume. Drink a pint of juice and you’ve blown half your allowance. But eat some fresh fruit and you’re still fine, provided you don’t spend the entire day eating fruit. When you count carbs you realize that things like white rice are really not ideal, even if delicious, for their lack of nutrients. You’re more likely to spend your carbs on a sweet potato than a cup of white rice, because the sweet potato will give you so many other beautiful things.

And the rice will give you nothing.

Except diabetes.

You have diabetes right now.

Chelsea are winning 3-0, and I think I deserve another cup of black tea.

We’re going climbing in five hours. Seems like a long time. God I can’t wait to get my hands on the slopers of that black. Last time I failed so hard on it. Bloom did OK on it. Neither of us got to the next hold. Oh, and there’s the black downstairs that Jessa was trying! That one was sick. Now that my leg is feeling better I might be able to stem that. God, I love stemming. Stemming is my favorite. And then there’s the orange right next to it. I love that orange. I can’t wait to send that orange.

OK, so you’re probably wondering, “Did you get the SBP job?”

Short answer: No.

Long answer: No.

Medium answer: No, but what do you expect when you basicall convey in the interview that you don’t want the job? The question is: How do I feel not getting offered the job? That is another door that has closed. And they say that when one door closes another opens, and that is completely true. I didn’t want to do customer service. I’ve decided that the next time I do customer service will be when it’s for MY company, if I ever have a company. But customer service for someone else, someone who can chide me for not being outgoing enough (like my boss Angel at Industrial Ride Shop in Scottsdale did when I worked there during my time at ASU)? Yeah, screw that. Not doing that anymore. I don’t NEED to work a customer service job, so I’m not going to if I don’t want to.

Ginger is sleeping and she looks so peaceful. We went on a long walk this morning, about three miles. She’s getting older now so coming up the stairs from Golden Gardens at the end of the walk is hard for her.

My sister is in California, that’s why I’m taking care of Ginger.

I love Ginger.

I’m about to sit down to my third cup of tea, the Chelsea game is at half time, Christian Pulisic has scored, commercials are playing in the background, Ginger is sleeping, my tea is steeping, I’m wondering what I should eat today for maximum climbing performance, though I kind of know deep down that maximum climbing performance is going to be difficult, since I still feel kind of pumped from that last session. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I’d rather climb today with friends than wait until tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go on a hike. Maybe. Ginger would love to go on a hike. But if we go out by Gold Bar we have to battle the traffic coming back, and I’m not thrilled about that. I guess we could stop by Starbucks and get a coffee on the way back, that’s always fun.

My computer is running low on battery and my charger is back on the boat. It’s a wonderful day to be alive. I’m so glad I’m going climbing this afternoon and have that to look forward to. I really feel like I could climb outside somewhat soon. At least lowballs.

And also the cherry trees outside right now are gorgeous.

 

 

Cutting Caffeine

Hey guys, so…………………………………..only three views on the blog yesterday. You guys on vacation? Not looking at your phones? Not looking at the internet? It’s the support of the diehard fans that keeps us at Where’s Wetzler going. Without your support we’re just another WordPress blog, barking at the wind……

Anyway.

A red-letter day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check it out:

Ohhhhhhhhhh the matcha everywhere. The green tea. The drink on the right that has “no refined sugar” but actually still tons of sugar ‘cuz it’s sweetened with dates. Crooks. Normally I wouldn’t buy all these matcha products (there’s a matcha latte hiding behind the Urban Remedy bar) in one fell swoop but I’m celebrating a potential job interview next week. I’m not going to tell you where, because you don’t deserve to know, but I will say it’s for a job in the Greater Seattle Area. So no, don’t worry, I’m not packing up and moving to Everett. I know a lot of you were worried about that. It’s just that the allure of Everett is strong. You’re closer to the Gold Bar boulders and to Leavenworth. Rent is WAY cheaper. And the kicker? You can become a Silvertips fan.

ANOTHER reason and one that’s equally important is that I’m going on a caffeine detox starting today. The detox will probably start around oh…………………………………. 12pm Pacific Daylight Time. Give or take an hour. The reason I’m doing a caffeine detox is because when I don’t drink caffeine I’m much less stressed, much less irritable, and also more creative. Also I associate no caffeine with my quote unquote natural state. Like, when I was young. Like, my inner child. Like, the part of me I disparately (sic) need to get in touch with.

So on our left we have the Green Hop Tea by Hop Lark, with a whopping 60mg of caffeine per bottle. On the right we have our “Matcha Green Tea Almond Latte” (nice short name) by Pop & Bottle? Is this the name of the company? What a wretched name. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Change your name and quit adding so many damn dates to your drinks.

I do declare.

And in the middle we have a matcha latte with oat milk from Whole Foods, and in the foreground a Matcha “Super Greens Energy Bar” by (said in a yuppy, googly voice) Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuurban Reeeeeeemedy. Like, Uuuuuuurban Reeeeeeemedy bro. Like, food should be your medicine, right bro? Like, drop cliffs not bombs, right bro? Like……………………………………………………………………….

Anyway.

I wanna finish this post before meeting my life coach at 10:15 today, so better wrap it up.

No climbing today. Hand is feeling better. Might run a mile. Feel like I can probably climb Sunday at the earliest and still be responsible. No more climbing multiple days in a row, or multiples sessions in one day. My connective tissue NEEDS TO BE PRIORITIZED.

K, good talk.

– Wetz

Not Forcing Anymore

I have great news: I’ve decided not to force myself to blog anymore. I’m no longer a “blogger.” I’m just a guy who writes sometimes on the internet. This is wonderful, wonderful news.

And now please allow me to repeat all the wonderful news from yesterday.

Yesterday woke up and immediately surveyed the hand situation. Wrote in my journal, “Fuck my fucking right hand is fucked up,” which, looking back, is an impressive use of the word “fuck” in such a short sentence.

Oh, real quick, what does “not forcing myself to blog anymore” mean?

It means that if I don’t want to write I don’t. Like, if I don’t want to write for the next fucking month, or the next year, or ever again, I don’t. I only write when I want to. So I give up on the dream of being a “blogger” and what I really need to do is give up on the dream of being a “writer” and what I really need to do is just give up on dreams all together. OK, well, maybe not that. I like to dream. Dreaming is actually one of my favorite things to do. Dreaming connects me with my inner child.

Anyway.

Yesterday.

Yesterday I went to physical therapy at 9am. Blair, the main physical therapist, did an assessment on me as soon as I arrived. She tested my leg strength and also laxity. She said, “[The left leg] might be a little more lax, but I’m also just really sensitive to this stuff since I do it a lot.”

Then Brandon and I went to work. We added some new exercises, i.e. hopping up and down on one foot (like jump roping but without the rope), and then we did that thing where you have half a ball on the ground and you jump sideways onto it and land with one foot and kind of bounce off it and land on your other foot. I’m terrible at explaining shit. Basically when Blair did my assessment she said, “At three months the ligament is pretty much healed. So one of the biggest obstacles now is psychological.” And then, turning to her team, “We can get him jumping around and doing more lateral movement.”

More lateral movement.

I’m healing.

I felt pretty elated after physical therapy. I went to Whole Foods on 65th and got a matcha bar by Urban Remedy and also a Hop Tea. Then I went back to the boat, and then after chilling a little more I went to go walk around Interlaken but got distracted on the way by getting a coffee at Cafe Appassionato. This was mostly hopefully for digestive help. I think all the collagen I’ve been taking has made things a bit clogged up. So I had the coffee, which sort of worked, and then went to Interlaken via Montlake. In Montlake I ran stairs for awhile and then I hiked through Interlaken and then back to my car in Montlake. Drove to Chipotle in U Village. Walked up to UW to see the cherry blossoms, which were gorgeous. And then finally went back to the boat yet again.

I didn’t hang out with anyone yesterday. Well, that’s not completely true. I helped my friend H lower a table from his old balcony using rope because he couldn’t get the legs off the table to fit it through the door. But we didn’t really hang out.

Today I’m ostensibly fasting. Till 6pm. We’ll see if this actually happens. Lately I’ve been a terrible faster. I have the willpower of a golden retriever. I’m not climbing today, though I might climb on Sunday. We’ll just see how the hand is.

 

Setting Two | Chilling on the Boat

There is spring water on my boat I got the other day at Whole Foods. My new heater is on setting “2” which is the highest setting. It’s been working–

My stomach hurts.

I went to Whole Foods to get a matcha latte and some young coconut meat and a Hoplark Hop Tea. I didn’t realize the brand wasn’t “Hop Tea.” I thought it was Hop Tea but it’s actually Hoplark. Hope Tea is a way cooler name and much more straightforward. They have Hoplark printed vertically on the side (?) of the can and it doesn’t exactly catch your attention. Of all the Hoplark teas I prefer the green right now because of the taste and also because it might be slightly easier to drink on an empty stomach.

I injected BPC-157 into my knee this morning about an hour after waking up. I’m getting good at injecting it really close to the LCL. I like the ritual. Grab the little party pack out of the bow with the syringes and alcohol swabs. Get the BPC-157 out of the fridge and set everything up on the table. Get my knee ready, pull my pants or long underwear down and pinch the skin to find a suitable injection site but first palpitate the tendon a bit to see where it’s sore; that’s where I want to inject. Swab the top of the container holding the BPC-157 and also the part of my knee where I’m going to inject. Swab it good. Then pull the safeties off either end of the syringe and pull the white plunger part out till it’s at about 20 then turn the BPC-157 vial upside down and with my left hand try to puncture the membrane of the vial right in the middle of the little circle. Draw it out till it’s past 20, watching it fill, then push it in till it’s no more than 20 but no less than 15. Pinch the skin in my right hand and then insert the needle and slowly push the plunger until all the liquid is in me, and then pull the needle out, grab the swab and apply pressure where the needle went in. After 15 seconds or so throw the swab in the garbage, put the caps back on the syringe and put it in a little ziplock bag for used syringes. When I was on the ferry the other day I disposed of all my old used syringes in the sharps container. I felt a big strange doing it. I would’ve felt weird if anyone walked in. It was a lot of syringes. But no one walked in and afterward I washed my hands.

Last night when I got back from Nate’s I made myself some yogurt with mango and oats. First I got the mango, which wasn’t quite ripe, an ataulfo mango, and using a knife sliced all the skin off. Then I cut strips of it off the side until most of the meat was gone, and then using my hands ate the rest of the meat that was still attached to the seed. This is my favorite part, sinking my teeth into this flesh. Then I got the yogurt out and put some of the chunks in and poured some lightly-toasted oats on top. It was way too late to be eating and probably why I feel like shit today. I don’t feel like shit today, but my digestive system could be better. Then I sat on the bench seat with this yogurt mixture and ate all the good stuff out, and then put more mango and oats in, repeating the process till all the mango was gone. And then I didn’t watch YouTube videos because I’m only allowed to watch YouTube videos till 10pm. I’m only allowed to use the internet till 11pm, at which point I can journal or read or just go to sleep but usually I journal for a little bit then read and within 15 or so minutes I’m pretty tired. I get up for one last pee and then unplug the LED string lights, then turn off the portside LED dome light, and then finally the starboard LED dome light. Then I get in bed. Of course before this I’ve already put the wooden hatch boards in and also wedged the boat hook in between the the lip of the deck and part of the sliding part of the roof so if someone were to come on the boat they either wouldn’t be able to open the hatch, or they MIGHT be able to open the hatch with a lot of force but it would be really loud and I’d quickly spring over to the galley and grab my knife. That’s the plan. There are a lot of tweakers where I live.

We sang songs at Nate’s. Nate and Hunter played guitar and I sang. They sang too. We sang Beatles songs and Nirvana and Tom Petty. Buddy was on the ground and can’t really move cuz he got vaccines injected into his hind legs yesterday and now they’re all stiff.

My knee felt sore this morning and I’m not really sure why. I didn’t really take any falls climbing yesterday. I didn’t really do any knee intensive moves. I didn’t really climb hard yesterday. Maybe it’s all the BPC injections. Maybe I AM kind of doing like a poor man’s PRP. Either way the region where my LCL inserts into the fibula is a bit sore. I’ve also become completely dependent on my knee sleeve. It feels really weird not to wear it. I feel really unstable. And I can’t find the black knee sleeve I usually wear at night.

Now I’m drinking my hop tea and I have no plans for today. I don’t know if I’m realistically going to do any job applications. Or volunteer applications. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll go to my parents’. I was thinking about driving to Wenatchee to stay there but that’s like three hours driving there, three hours driving back. I don’t need to do that. Plus then I spend money on a hotel. I don’t need to do that. I’d rather (I think I’d rather, at least) take walks around here and hopefully hang out with someone in the evening.